I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
