all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
