He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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