i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
