I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
