I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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