Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
