It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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