i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
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he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
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i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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