She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize
