There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
