She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Randomize
