dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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