best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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