why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
and you fell through a lawn chair
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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