I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
