Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize