WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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