tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
