u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
