my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
