Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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