Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
