Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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