So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
