Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
