I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
