I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
