I want to make a zoo with you.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
