Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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