and she was petting her beer can
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
