I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
