The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
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He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
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