just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
