i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
