Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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