I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
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Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
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I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.