Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
