I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
