I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
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My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Did I show you my penis last night?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
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New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.