yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i only shaved half my leg
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
you traded sex for a burrito?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.