nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol