she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
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I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
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I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos