Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
