New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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