i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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