You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
