There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
