I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
