I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I wish I could teleport
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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