This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
