If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
