can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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