The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
