it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We need a shit load of segways right now
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
