no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
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He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
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YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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