The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
