My balls are so social today.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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