We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You dont lie about slip and slides
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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