worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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