So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
