Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
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Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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