I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
