It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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